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If You Love Him, Let Him Go

I have always seen this in the context of one person wanting to leave and the other person “loving them enough” to let them leave, which never made sense to me. If someone wanted to leave you, why would you try to keep them from it, and how successful would you be if you did? But I think there are other ways in which this is more accurate.

True Freedom

What is true freedom and where does it come from?

John 8 (NASB)

31 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

The Christmas Top 10

In general, Santa Claus and Jesus are both part of our modern Christmas. To most people there is
probably not much difference. Here are 10 ways Jesus is not only different, but better than Santa...

Reprieve From Anxiety

How do you gain peace? The holiday season seems to be full of anxiety and stress. If only there were a secret formula to get rid of anxiety...Actually there is, and it's not a secret. God commands us to not worry, but He also tells us how to do that. The following is an excerpt from my recently published book about trading anxiety for peace...

Have You Missed The Promised Land?

In the book of Exodus, the Israelites are freed from Egypt and set out across the desert to the land Egypt and the wilderness, they focused on the humanly impossible situation before them. As a result, they had to wander another 40 years in the wilderness until everyone of that generation of fear had passed away. They missed the Promised Land because they were not willing to trust God and go through the difficulty required to obtain it. God had promised to them, a good, productive land. When they arrived, there were giants inhabiting the land already that the Israelites would have to drive out. Instead of remembering all the mighty wonders God had performed in

How often do we do that? How often do we miss some blessing because we are not willing to go through the work to get it?

An Exciting Announcement!!!

We take this break in our normal programming to say...I am very excited to announce that after 4 years my first book has been published! All credit goes to God who gave me the inspiration, wisdom and guidance for the entire project. This book is the fruition of the verse:

Romans 8:28 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Do You Need To Be Undragonned?

In C.S. Lewis’ The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace is turned into a dragon for having greedy

dragonish thoughts. After he has a change of heart, he meets Aslan who will change him back into a human. But first he asks Eustace to “undress”, or take his dragon skin off. Three times, Eustace claws and scratches a layer of skin off, but he is still a dragon. Finally, Aslan undresses him. It hurt terribly, but it was the only way to be cured.

As fantasy as this is, it is something we all need spiritually.

Give Your Expectations to God

What I’ve Learned In Marriage-19—Part of the reason why our hopes are disappointed, aside from placing them in the wrong thing, is because we have unrealistic expectations. I have seen many marriages where one spouse expects the other to fulfill every need they have.

What Is Your Hope In?

We all hope or trust in something or someone. Whether it is God, ourselves, another person, another religion, the stock market, we all live based on that hope. Interestingly, even if our hope is in something specific (stocks for instance) our perception of that affects the rest of our lives.

Love Does Not Act Unbecomingly

What I’ve Learned in Marriage-18—1 Corinthians 13: 5 (love) does not act unbecomingly NASB. Amplified Bible includes “conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride);… rude (unmannerly).” Unfortunately, I have seen many spouses act that way. According to Webster, unbecomingly means: unattractively, not suitably, improperly. The

So what exactly does that look like?

Be The Mature One

What I’ve Learned in Marriage—17 - One quality required in using your power to benefit your marriage is maturity, and that plays in several ways. First let me say that by being mature I do not mean being the boss, or bossy. Biblical maturity is achieved by spiritual growth and displayed in discernment, discipline and self sacrifice, holding to true teaching and not being swayed by smooth words or emotions.

Do You Take God's Name in Vain?

Exodus 20:7 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁷ “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.

I had grown up hearing the second commandment repeatedly. I always thought that it meant to not use the name of God as a swear word. But I have learned that it involves far more than that. It includes every action we make and word we speak that is not Christ-like.

Use Your Power To Benefit Your Marriage

What I've Learned in Marriage 16-We all have times when we feel powerless, especially in marriage, but we all have the power of influence. And whether we intentionally exercise that power or not, it still has an effect on our marriage. We need to be aware of that power and use it to benefit our marriage rather than passively allowing it to undermine it. How do we do that? It is different for every person and every marriage, but there are some basics that are fairly universal.

What About Love

The concept of love has changed in the past years to the point that many now, even churches, do not know what love really is. When you say love, people think of romance and fluffy feelings. It has become something that you cannot control, it just happens, and as a result comes and goes at its own will seemingly. But is that biblical?

A Letter to the Hurting

I recently wrote this letter to my niece who is going through a really hard time, but the principles apply to many. I have shared portions of it in the hopes that it will help others as well.

Look For the Rainbow

What I've Learned in Marriage-15 It is often said to look for the silver lining after the storm, meaning look for the good side of the situation. That outlook can change your life because if you focus on finding the positive in life and remaining hopeful even in the worst times you will gain victory. I started keeping a journal with all of my “trials” in one column and the “silver lining” in the other. Determining to learn what you can from every situation will cause you to grow in maturity and wisdom greater and faster than any other way and will keep you from despairing in life. But I’ve discovered that there is more to look for than the silver lining or even the lesson to be learned. There is also the promise.

You Are What You Think

What I Learned in Marriage-14- As I said in the previous post, our minds are the basis of our selves. Our thoughts determine our mood, emotions, attitudes, ideas, actions, and words. What and how we think is incredibly important because it will determine our lives and futures. The Bible gives very clear, helpful instructions on what we are to think about in order to produce positive, godly lives. The following is an excerpt from my recently published book (Hope in Suffering) which talks about one verse that is foundational for our thought lives…

True Peace

Isaiah 26:3New American Standard Bible (NASB)

The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.

Peace comes from God because He is the Sovereign Lord of all creation. He is in control of everything and is more powerful than all.

Don't Be His Mom

What I've Learned in Marriage 13--I have seen the adage that “a woman doesn’t need kids because she has a husband” and it definitely seems true in some cases, but I don’t think that should be our attitude. Whether your husband acts like a child or not, it is not your job to be his mom. He already has one and it’s not you.

There Is Always a Waiting Period

What I've Learned in Marriage-12-Everything good requires waiting. You have to wait to grow up, graduate from high school and then college. You have to wait to meet the person you will marry, and then wait (at least a little while) before you are married. When you get pregnant, you have to wait around 9 months before the baby is born. We acquire nothing without waiting, but why?

Grow Together

What I've Learned in Marriage-11

Matthew 19:4-6 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

Religion or the Gospel

Many Christians are still living as under a religion rather than being immersed in a relationship with Christ. The gospel is something that they needed to be saved and then they never think about it again. But the gospel is the basis of our beliefs and without it we are lost. We need to preach the gospel to ourselves every day even after we are saved. We should be living in the gospel rather than religion. This chart shows the difference between the two...

Surrender to Suffering

Jeremiah 21:9 He who dwells in this city will die by the sword and by famine and by pestilence; but he who goes out and falls away to the Chaldeans who are besieging you will live, and he will have his own life as booty. (NASB)

It seems counter-intuitive that surrender would end better than standing your ground, especially for Americans. But that is just what God told the Israelites when they were besieged by the Babylonians.

I read a story⃰ about a woman who learned (after a near perfect life) that her third child died in utero. Unable to bear the pain of suffering, she and her husband turned to their own sources of consolation. He became a workaholic, she an alcoholic. Those choices resulted in the destruction of everything they knew: family, marriage, work, relationships. Everything fell apart.

I think both of these stories have the same reasoning behind them.

What I've Learned in Marriage-10

Learn to laugh—They say laughter is the best medicine. And it is, to be sure, but it is also a good habit to form, ill or not. The first few years of my marriage (ok, so far all of my marriage) has been overshadowed by a clash between my husband’s light heartedness and my (much) more serious attitude toward life. My husband takes almost nothing seriously, and I overcompensate by taking everything seriously.

What About Sin?

Many Christians in America prefer to avoid any talk about sin. Many pastors avoid teaching about sin in an effort to avoid losing members. As a result, many people don’t know what sin is, what it means, or what to do about it.

Future Generations

Since I wrote about how to treat older generations last week, I thought I would take this week to talk about the next generations… I have seen a lot of Christian families with one or more child who either does not live a godly life or has even turned away from the faith altogether. This is regrettable and seems to be almost inevitable, but I don’t think it has to be. I do know a few families in which all the children are ardent followers of Christ.

What I've Learned in Marriage-9

“Honor your parents” includes your in-laws—This was part of my last post that I thought deserved expansion. It was a concept I had never thought of until my mom mentioned it to me after I had been married a few years. 

What I've Learned in Marriage-8

Give to those what they are due—There is an old(er) country song that talks about giving credit where credit is due, and it is true. We need to give others what they are due (note that does not necessarily mean what they deserve.)

Compromise: The Cause and The Cure

2 Chronicles 12:14New American Standard Bible (NASB)

¹⁴ He did evil because he did not set his heart to seek the Lord.

We can draw a lot from this one verse. First we see the obvious: he (Rehoboam) did what was wrong because he didn’t seek God. The Amplified says that he didn’t seek to yearn for God. He didn’t determine to make seeking God first priority in his life. It’s not that he was planning to turn from God, or even that he didn’t follow God at all, but he wasn’t diligent or passionate, resolved to only seek after God and to place that first in his life. If you set your heart to seek God you are not only trying to seek God, but making that your heart’s desire. It is so much more than “trying to be good” or just doing your best to follow God.

Head Lice and Idols

I was talking with some friends from church the other day about kids getting head lice at school. They mentioned that it seems like it is always the same family that starts it. They surmised the reason is because when that family finds out they have it, they treat the kids but don’t pursue it by deep cleaning everything in the house to completely rid the family of the pests. So every few months, one of the creatures would find its way back to one of the kids and hitches a ride to school, spreading them all over again.

That situation reminded me of what I just read in Judges 1-5.

What I've Learned in Marriage-7

Guard your heart; purity is for life, not just singleness—Growing up, purity rings and the idea of “remaining pure/waiting for marriage” was very popular. Unfortunately, that is where the emphasis ended. It wasn’t until after I was married that I learned that purity is about more than just virginity. It is a lifestyle, not something only for single people.

A Letter to the Longing

I want to take a break from my series on marriage to write a post for those who are not married (granted this really applies to everyone but especially to those not married).

There has been a tantalizing lie going around (for decades) that you need to be in a relationship to be happy, and that being married will make you happy and your life will be wonderful. I am one of many that bought into that lie and spent most of my life after the age of…well, too young, desiring and fantasizing about having a boyfriend and getting married. Unfortunately, my father was one of the biggest proponents of this idea who has fueled that longing ever since I was a teenager. I never dated until my mid twenties (not because I didn’t want to), when I met the man I am now married to. And dating was wonderful!, probably the best year of my life. But the problem is that we were not made to be fulfilled by human relationships, so the bliss of dating only increased the heartache when I finally came to the point where that relationship no longer fulfilled me the way it had.

What I Learned in Marriage-6

Beware of Nostalgia-I think it appropriate to follow the encouragement to “only remember the good” with this warning. While we definitely should strive to only remember (or think about) good things/times, we need to be careful what place we give those memories and thoughts. They should serve to encourage us, in good and bad, to remind us that times aren’t always hard, to remember a person’s qualities when you are faced with their faults. The danger is when those memories become something that we strive for in themselves, when we try to regain that fond time or happy feeling.

What I've Learned in Marriage-5

Consciously choose to forget the bad and remember only the good—This is essential to maintaining a good, healthy marriage, and is tied to 3 and 4. Remembering the bad drives a barrier between you and your husband. Love does not do that. True, Godly love keeps NO record of wrongs suffered, it is not angered or irritated by personal offenses (1 Cor 13).

What I've Learned in Marriage-4

Be quick to forgive and ask forgiveness—This is connected to number 3. No where in the Bible does it say that we are justified in not forgiving someone, or even in putting off forgiveness. In fact, it is the opposite; we are commanded to forgive even if the other person doesn’t apologize. We feel like we are punishing the other person, or teaching them a lesson, when we withhold forgiveness, but in reality we are just driving a wedge in the relationship, and pretending to be God by judging that person.

What I've Learned in Marriage-3

Bless those who curse you—This is really hard to do in general, but I think it is even harder when it is someone close to you because it is so much more personal. The catch is that it is not our job to punish our husbands for anything. That is God’s job.

What I Learned in Marriage-2

It’s better for you if you focus on him—I first heard this in reference to “marital relations” (and it is true in that context), but it applies to life in general as well. We were made to serve others and we are the most content when we are fulfilling that purpose.

What I've Learned in Marriage-1

I am starting a new series about what I've learned in marriage. I will post every Friday.

Make the most of every opportunity—After the newness of marriage fades, couples often let dates and romance fade as well. They become less frequent, and even less exciting, than they were before the wedding. It’s almost inevitable. But with that bit of saddening news comes a challenge: instead of lamenting the loss of romance, redefine it. So maybe you don’t get all dressed up every Friday night, maybe you don’t even go out every Saturday and instead watch a movie at home.

Does God Want You to be a Good Person?

There was once a man who thought he was good. Certainly he was not perfect, who is? But he took care of his family, attended church regularly, was faithful to his wife. He may not have been obedient in everything, but he made sure that no one knew about it when he strayed, and it’s not like he ever did anything “that bad.” He was definitely a better person than crazy Uncle Larry or Joe Shmoe down the street. In fact, he was better than anyone he knew, so he figured he must be good enough right? I mean, how good can a human with a sin-nature be?...

A Slave to Whom?

Imagine, if you will, that you are single but you have found The One that you love more than anything on this earth. But that One has been sold into slavery as a prostitute. So you take everything that you have and sell it all so that you can buy that One out of slavery. And after giving up everything that you have, the two of you are married and begin your life together. But after the honeymoon starts to fade, and things slow down, you notice that your Love has become distant, and not around as often as before. When questioned, the only response is “Oh, I was busy with something” and nothing more. And your Love begins to have less and less time for you. Finally, one day you follow your Love…to the place where they were purchased from. Your Love has been voluntarily going back to the place of slavery and prostitution. Heartbroken, you plead with your Love to stop and come back to you. They agree and return with you, promising never to return again. But they do. And this process repeats it’s self over and over.