What I've Learned in Marriage-4

Be quick to forgive and ask forgiveness—This is connected to number 3. No where in the Bible does it say that we are justified in not forgiving someone, or even in putting off forgiveness. In fact, it is the opposite; we are commanded to forgive even if the other person doesn’t apologize. We feel like we are punishing the other person, or teaching them a lesson, when we withhold forgiveness, but in reality we are just driving a wedge in the relationship, and pretending to be God by judging that person.

God has forgiven us a debt that we could never even fathom, and He did it in the blink of an eye. He didn’t wait a while to teach us a lesson or make us “feel” how much we wronged Him. He extended full and perfect grace, immediately.

Luke 23:34New American Standard Bible (NASB)

34 But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”

Are we better than God that we would not do the same? If we expect to be forgiven, by God or our husbands, we need to be ready to forgive as well.

Matthew 6:14-15 NASB

14 For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

Sometimes it takes constant effort to not hold it against him, but it must be done. It will only destroy your marriage to hold on to it. Holding on to it creates bitterness, which is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die. It doesn’t work and it doesn’t make sense. 

James 5:16New American Standard Bible (NASB)

16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Likewise, we need to be quick to confess and ask forgiveness for any offense against our husbands. It not only serves to heal the wound that has been inflicted, but also shows humility and love because you are putting your marriage and your husband above yourself, and it sets the standard in your marriage. If you are open and vulnerable like that, your husband will feel more willing to do likewise. It is hard to do, but it is what God calls us to do in order to reflect His love for us through our marriage. And it has a far greater reward than holding him under your thumb or denying your wrong. But you need to make the choice, who will you put first, yourself or your husband? Who will you obey, yourself or God?