What I've Learned in Marriage-3

Bless those who curse you—This is really hard to do in general, but I think it is even harder when it is someone close to you because it is so much more personal. The catch is that it is not our job to punish our husbands for anything. That is God’s job.
We need to let God handle him, otherwise we are just getting in God’s way. It may not seem like it, but venting, complaining or whining about it to our girl friends would be considered “cursing”. It may make us feel better at the time because it vindicates our feelings, but it also puts a wedge in your relationship with your husband. It separates you, even if it’s just a little bit because you are allowing whatever happened to come between you and the more you talk about it the more you feel right in how you see it rather than allowing yourself the “distance” to see it as it truly is. And it pits you against each other in your mind.

Proverbs 17:9New American Standard Bible (NASB)

9 He who conceals a transgression seeks love,
But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.

This is not to say that we can’t talk to another (hopefully wiser) woman for wisdom and counsel, but it should be for that purpose and not just venting or looking for vindication. We need to bless our husbands to their faces and also to others. Maybe he did do something that was truly wrong. We are called to forgive, not hold it against them. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love keeps no record of wrongs suffered. Love chooses not to remember what was done or said against it, to not tell others about it, to not take offense at personal affronts or injuries. If we truly love our husbands, then we will follow that verse. By complaining, venting, and holding it against him we are showing that we love ourselves more. And that attitude destroys relationships. But if we bless him, even if he treats us badly, we are actively working towards forgiveness, and encouraging him (without saying a word) to act more lovingly. If we act unlovingly or disrespectfully, we are encouraging him to do the same.

1 Peter 3:1-2 NASB

“so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

We have the power to influence the way we are treated, to some degree, by changing the way that we act/react. It will not happen over night, but it will make a difference, and then we will be imitating Christ, having a positive, godly influence over our husbands, and setting a good model for everyone else. Complaining breeds complaining, but if you refuse to belittle your husband in front of your friends they will follow suit.

Romans 12:14New American Standard Bible (NASB)

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.