It’s better for you if you focus on him—I first heard this in reference to “marital relations” (and it is true in that context), but it applies to life in general as well. We were made to serve others and we are the most content when we are fulfilling that purpose.It’s tempting to fall into self pity and think of how he is getting more than you are, or to make sure that you get just as much, or get it first, but that is because you aren’t truly serving. It’s only lip service because you aren’t truly focusing on him. When we are completely focused on others, we won’t have any free “RAM” to think about ourselves and what we aren’t getting. It is in that state of being consumed by the other person that we are the most content. But it has to be full, complete devotion, not half-hearted service. Don’t just do it because you are supposed to, do it because you want to and mean it. It will mean a lot more to him and be more fulfilling for you. Focusing on yourself and keeping track of who gets/does what will only leave you feeling empty. God’s purpose for us is to serve others and we are most content when we are in His will. God rewards faithful service, so don’t worry about being left out. Remember that Jesus came to serve, not to be served (Matthew 20:28). If the Master of creation could humble Himself to serve those He created, shouldn’t we do the same for those we love?
Philippians 2:5-7New American Standard Bible (NASB)
5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
I heard it said that the most satanic attitude is selfishness. Being “I” focused is the most contrary to Christ-likeness that we can be. Jesus could have, and had every right to, demand that He not be crucified. But He didn’t. Instead, He chose to sacrifice Himself, His position, even His righteousness, in order to take on our sins, pay the penalty that we owe, and withstand the punishment that we deserve. He chose to serve us completely, even though He knew that we would love Him conditionally at best, because He loves us. He is our model. God’s design is for us to be like Him. We should serve others, and especially our spouses, out of love for them and love for God with no regard for what we will gain in return. Refusing to do that for any reason is loving ourselves which is contrary to God. The more we focus on ourselves, the more selfish we become, but the more we focus on others the more compassionate and loving we become. It is a process that takes time and growth, it won’t all happen at once, or be easy from the beginning. But it starts with a choice, to serve or be served. Which will you choose?