What I've Learned in Marriage-8

Give to those what they are due—There is an old(er) country song that talks about giving credit where credit is due, and it is true. We need to give others what they are due (note that does not necessarily mean what they deserve.)

First and foremost, we need to give God what He is due; that is thanksgiving, praise, honor, obedience, just to name a few. We need to remember that He is our creator, sustains our lives and gives us everything good that we have, including the only way to gain eternal life which is through the saving sacrifice of His Son Jesus. We owe Him joyful service and lives completely submitted to Him. But we should not do that out of love, not duty.

1 Chronicles 16:28-30New American Standard Bible (NASB)

28 Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples,
Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
29 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name;
Bring an offering, and come before Him;
Worship the Lord in holy array.
30 Tremble before Him, all the earth;
Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved.

(Ascribe means to credit or attribute)

We also need to give our husbands what they are due; reverence, faithfulness, love, respect (Eph 5:33). If you look in the Amplified version, it has a big list of what “reverence” entails and it would greatly benefit you and your marriage to study that.

Ephesians 5:33 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

33 However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

I once looked up every word in the last bracket in an old dictionary; each definition really gave new light into how we should treat our husbands.

Husbands are also to love their wives without exception in the same way that they love themselves, to cherish and nourish them, and to help them become holy since (the husband) is the spiritual leader of the home.

Ephesians 5New American Standard Bible (NASB)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

They “owe” it to their wives to be loving.

There are many other people in our lives that are due certain things; bosses are due respect, parents are due honor, children are due love and care. The list could go on forever. The point is that our lives are only “right” if they are done in the right way or order. Everything has to be in its right place, and that includes giving people what they are due. I realize there are a lot of people in each of those categories that really do not deserve any of it. Abusive fathers, willfully rebellious children, cruel bosses, none of them “deserve” respect or whatever else, but that is not for us to decide. Nor are we their judge to determine what we should and should not give them. God has said what we are to give them and we need to obey His command. If you look at God’s standards, we really don’t deserve the good things we get either. And if we withhold that from anyone, we are allowing pride and selfishness to grow and rule in us, and God hates that. It destroys us and our relationships. It is not easy to give some people the respect they are owed. Many do not deserve it in and of themselves, but their position or relationship to us requires it. It takes humility, love and obedience to God to give it to them. We have to choose to obey God and put others before ourselves.

Philippians 2New American Standard Bible (NASB)

3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Remember, our motives are supposed to be pure as well as our actions and that includes being motivated by love for others rather than love for ourselves. It is not easy, but it is necessary. Choose humility instead.

Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

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