Grow Together

What I've Learned in Marriage-11

Matthew 19:4-6 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

When I was in college I remember a pastor speaking about marriage and he drew a diagram that blew me away.

                     God                                 Different goals/pursuits

Husband       Δ    Wife       vs       Husband   □      Wife

This represents the concept that if the husband and wife are both pursuing the same goal, they would grow closer together, but if they were pursuing different goals, there would be a square instead of a triangle, or even an upside down trapezoid. The point is that in marriage, we need to have the same main focus and goal, for Christians that should be God. That doesn’t mean that we can’t have small separate goals (I’m pretty sure my husband does not share my goal of sewing fabulous dresses, nor do I share his goal of fishing for hours on end), but our biggest priority should be the same. If it is, then we will grow together, other wise we will grow apart.

This happens often in marriage. The couple lets their relationship slide and they slowly, gradually change but not in the same ways. They lose their friendship along with the romance and cease pursuing one another. Usually, neither of them realizes anything has happened until they are so separated and different that they have little in common. Often couples see this as a sign that they should not be married and seek happiness and companionship elsewhere rather than putting in the effort to learn about each other and repair and restore their marriage. Marriage takes work and we should never stop learning about our spouse or become slack in our efforts to grow together. If we continue to pursue each other and keep our love and friendship fresh and alive, our marriages will stay strong, but as soon as we start to put a higher priority on our personal agenda or preferences at the cost of the goals or values of the marriage it will suffer. 

God created us to become one, not two separate individuals who live together. In order to truly become one flesh, we have to grow together. We have to make that a priority. If we do, our marriages will be blessed, if we do not, they will fall apart. If you have been letting your marriage and relationship with your spouse slide, make an effort to renew what has grown cold. Start praying together, start reading the Bible together. Find a hobby to work on that you both enjoy. Pursue growth, and pursue it together.