I have always seen this in the context of one person wanting
to leave and the other person “loving them enough” to let them leave, which
never made sense to me. If someone wanted to leave you, why would you try to
keep them from it, and how successful would you be if you did? But I think
there are other ways in which this is more accurate.
I’ve discovered that introverts often need time alone (it
took many years of marriage to recognize this foreign trait). And when my
husband is in need of solitude and doesn’t get it, he starts to push me away
with his attitude; being grumpy, even more untalkative and closed, engaging in
solitary habits like reading, etc. Initially I took this as a sign that he
didn’t want me any more and worked hard to make him want me. I also became
clingy, trying to gain his attention which only made him need space more. The
best way for me to love him in that situation is to let him have his time
alone, that time to recharge. Then he will be ready to spend time with me
again.
Another way this is true is with “prodigals,” those people
in our lives who may be living any where from “not quite the way they should”
to full out rebellion. They are people that we love and can see are going to hurt
themselves and those around them with their selfishness. We often try to nudge
them in the right direction with Bible verses and quotes, recommending books to
“bring them back”.
Unfortunately, all our “help” is keeping them from it,
either by pushing them away or keeping God from getting to them. One of my
favorite quotes by Oswald Chambers, “Are we so noisy in our instruction of
other people that God cannot get near them?” shows the situation truly. Often
what that person needs is to see where they truly are in relation to God. They
need to “come to the end” of themselves to see their need for Him. But our
constant prodding keeps them from reaching that point.
Of course, “the end” is not a very nice place and will
probably cause a lot of suffering which we would all prefer to avoid, but that
is often the only way to truly get out of it. We need to love that person
enough to let them get there, to let God get a hold of them in a place where He
is all they can see and hear.
This is especially true in prayer. We need to stop
protecting them, stop praying for the outcome we want, and ask for God’s will
in their lives. Picture it as standing in front of that person, between them
and God, when you are praying for their rescue. Don’t stop praying, but get out
of God’s way so that He can get to them. Give Him room to work. And cling to
God instead.
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