Forgiving Like God

Forgiveness is not something I do well. I tend to dwell on things, to replay them, to plan rebuttals and arguments, to justify myself. I might say the words “I forgive you” but my actions and thoughts don’t always coincide. What is forgiveness? Is it really that big of a deal?

Nehemiah 9:17b New American Standard Bible (NASB)

But You are a God of forgiveness,
Gracious and compassionate,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness;
And You did not forsake them.

Ephesians 4:31-32 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

God is a God of forgiveness. He does not punish us as we deserve. If we repent He is faithful to forgive us. It is in His nature to forgive, because He loves us. As His image-bearers, He also commands us to forgive others. We have been forgiven a great debt, greater than any that is owed to us. If we accept God’s forgiveness, we also need to extend that forgiveness to others. Who are we to refuse to forgive when God did not refuse to forgive us? Clearly, it is not an option for us.

So what is forgiveness? Basically, forgiveness is letting go of the debt owed to us. Imagine it as someone owing us money, forgiveness would mean we no longer require them to pay us back. If someone has hurt us or made a mistake, we don’t not hold it over them. We don’t require them to pay for it. Disclaimer: this does not mean that they don’t ever have to pay for it. That is God’s job. Our forgiveness has nothing to do with that, only with our hearts.

So often when we are hurt, we want the other person to suffer, to know how much they hurt us, but that is putting ourselves above them, saying that we deserve to be vindicated and they deserve to be punished. But in reality, we don’t deserve to be vindicated. We don’t deserve anything good. Not only that, but we deserve to be punished too. They don’t deserve to be forgiven but neither do we. Forgiveness is a gift. It does not keep them from facing the consequences of their sin, but it frees your heart from the pain they have caused. God never meant for us to carry that burden and it is not our job to play judge or jury. God promises to execute justice, and we can trust Him to do that. In the mean time, we need to leave it up to Him. Let us not be like the wicked servant who was forgiven an enormous debt, only to turn around and not forgive the small debt of another.

Matthew 18:35 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.

This is the last verse in that parable which shows how imperative it is that we forgive. It is no small matter to hold something against another person. We need to cease dwelling on it, bringing it up, requiring them to pay. Of course, there is a difference between forgiveness and trust, and there are cases where boundaries are necessary. I would suggest seeking a godly Christian counselor or pastor to help you decipher the two. We need to remember that it is not our place to require punishment, but God’s.

Romans 12:18 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

We need to do our part and make things right in the relationship, on our end if no where else. We need to let it go, let God handle it, and be at peace. We need to remember the far greater debt we have been forgiven, and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

Again, this is something with which I am currently struggling. There are some long standing issues that I am having a hard time letting go, so I do not claim to be an expert on practicing forgiveness. Let us strive to work on this together. Let us commit to praying for each other as we work on becoming more like Christ through forgiveness.