Does God Care If We Apologize?

Apologies are often not easy. And sometimes they can cause more problems, due to manner and sincerity (or lack thereof.) Many people don’t even think apologies are necessary, especially when it doesn’t involve another person. Does apologizing to God matter? After all, He has already forgiven us. What is the importance of apologizing? Is there a specific way to apologize?

Is apology important?

As with many terms and ideas in Christianity, “apology” is the worldly way of saying “confess.” And like many of the terms that have been changed like that, the meanings have been lost and cheapened along the way to the point that an apology simply means to say, “I’m sorry” but carries no emphasis on sincerity, restitution or repentance. Often, “I’m sorry” is even used as a way to get out of taking responsibility for our wrong actions. But the Bible makes it very clear that we are to confess every sin.

Leviticus 5:5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

So it shall be when he becomes guilty in one of these, that he shall confess that in which he has sinned.

This is not just an Old Testament idea. From the very beginning, it was God’s plan for sin to be confessed and atoned. In the Old Testament, that came through the sacrificial system. Jesus came to be the ultimate sacrifice so that we no longer have to atone for our sin on our own. But we do still have to confess it.

James 5:16 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

1 John 1:9 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

We cannot be cleansed or healed until we confess. It is as simple as that. The idea that we can hide our sin so that no one knows, implying that we will not have to pay the consequences for it, is a lie, and a foolish one at that. It’s like swallowing a bag of heroin in order to avoid getting caught with it. The result of such an action is usually death. It may keep the police from finding out, but sin is always paid for one way or another. We can confess it and let Jesus pay the penalty, or hide it and pay it ourselves.

Proverbs 28:13 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.

Psalm 32:5 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”;
And You forgave the guilt of my sin. 

How to confess

Notice the two important points in Proverbs: he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. It is not enough to confess and then go back to it. That is no true confession, and so will find no true forgiveness. There are some important steps or components to confession beyond just saying, “I’m sorry.”

Acknowledge. The first important component of confession is to acknowledge the sin. That may seem over stated or trivial, and many skip that part. Many offer an apology without actually acknowledging their guilt; basically they are trying to get off without taking responsibility. But confession requires taking responsibility for the wrong and that begins with owning up to it. If we don’t concede that what we have done is truly wrong, we will probably do it again, and the goal of being a Christian is to become less sinful. This is probably the hardest part of confession, and requires a great deal of humility. We should be grieved over our sin. Sin is what nailed Jesus to the cross. That one sin is all it took. That is not something we should take lightly. Expressing regret is an important aspect of this component when confessing to another person. Not only should we feel it, but they need to know that we wished we hadn’t.

Forgiveness. Once we have acknowledged our guilt (and need for punishment) then we can ask God to forgive us and accept that forgiveness. It does no good to ask forgiveness without admitting guilt, because without guilt there is nothing to forgive. Until we realize that we are sinful, deserving of punishment, we will never see our need for a Savior. We must realize and acknowledge how wrong we are. But we also shouldn’t stay in that depressed state. We need to live in a static state between knowledge of our sinfulness and acceptance of God’s merciful love. We can’t have His merciful love without that knowledge, but that knowledge without accepting His love will bring us to despair.

Replace. The next part is to replace the wrong with the right. Impatience is probably a common sin for parents of toddlers. I know I definitely struggle with it daily. So in confessing that (to God and my kids), I need to admit that my impatience is wrong, but I should also say what I should have done, “I should have been patient,” etc. Removing the wrong is only half the battle. Jesus said that getting a criminal out of the house is good, but if the house is not filled the criminal will come back with more criminals and it will be worse than before. Also, we need a plan of action. In order to avoid further sin, we need to see what we should do instead, and be mindful of the appropriate action if we are faced with that situation again.

Resititution. While some sins are only known to God, and do not require repair, others do. If we wrong a person, we need to make it up to them. That will look different based on the situation. It may mean replacing a person’s property, working to counteract the affects of a lie or gossip, or working to repair a hurt relationship. The attitude that sorry is enough and they should get over it is selfish and prideful. We need to put the other person first, and do what is best for them, not us. We need to make it right.

Repent. Repentance is one of the most important components of confession, and involves some of the others. Really, repentance is the conglomeration of them all. It is not only acknowledging guilt and asking forgiveness, but also committing to turn away from that sin and determining to not do it again. Believing that we can keep committing the same sin without planning or trying to stop is abusing the grace God offers. He did not save us so we can sin and not suffer for it; He saved us so that we wouldn’t sin anymore. He offers grace for those times when we fall, but willingly returning to that sin is rejecting His love and sacrifice for us. Hebrews 10 says that in that case there no longer remains a sacrifice for sin. Basically, that God’s salvation has been rejected, so His sacrifice no longer counts. It shows a lack of belief in God, and throws strong doubt on the salvation of that individual. If someone can treat the love and sacrifice of Christ so cheaply, can they truly be saved or have a saving knowledge of Christ?

Plan of action

These are all important aspects to include when apologizing to someone, human or God. They are also important for our sanctification, which is the process by which God is making us perfect and godly. We all sin, but doing these every time, as soon as we can, will help us grow and decrease our chances of sinning again. They help our hearts become tuned in to the Spirit’s word and work. They help us become more sensitive to God.

~Plan to do these every time you sin, as soon as you are aware of it.

~Make sure you confess to God every time, and also to any one you may have hurt.

~Scripture is the sword of God. Using it will help us fight sin and temptation. It helps to have specific verses memorized to help us resist and respond rightly. Ephesians 2:3-7 is a great section to start with because it sums up the entirety of the Gospel in a few sentences. Keeping that in view daily will help us act as we should. Second Corinthians 10:5 is another good, general verse. If there is a particular sin that you keep struggling with, find a verse or two that speak specifically to that issue and memorize them. Any time that issue comes, make yourself think of that verse.

Remember, nothing is so bad that God will not take you back. Nothing can separate us from His love. Being open about what we have done is the best and quickest road to healing.